When A Hug Says More Than Words Ever Could

This isn't a story meant to titillate or dwell on teenage hormones. Sure, there's a bit of that in here, but what matters most is what came after. This is about an awakening-one that started on a school dance floor, in a hug, and in a secret phone call, and has stayed with me ever since. It's the story of a young man figuring out who he was, who he could be, and how he started seeing himself differently. This is the beginning of a journey that I'm still on today. 

It all started with a school dance. The fall dance, to be exact. I was "talking to" both Randi and Tiffany. I didn't really know what dating was about--I was in middle school, and the idea of having a girlfriend seemed like a crazy concept. I didn't feel worthy of having one, honestly. I was just trying to figure out how to talk to girls without completely embarrassing myself. But things quickly escalated when Randi and Tiffany, best friends, cornered me in the boys bathroom. They demanded that I choose between them.

I froze. I panicked. I blurted out Tiffany's name. And their response? Both of them rejected me. I got neither of them. "We choose each other;" they said, walking out together, leaving me standing there feeling like the biggest idiot. Tiffany grabbed my arm in the process, dug her nails in, and left a scar on my right forearm that I still carry to this day. 

Lesson learned? Not quite. Fast forward a few weeks, and I found myself on my first actual date--with Bonnie. She wasn't just another friend of Randi and Tiffany; she was their other best friend-the one who hadn't been caught up in the drama. Bonnie, tall, slim, and a redhead- my weakness in women to this day, thanks to her--was the calm after the storm. 

The evening started with the dance, and afterward, our moms drove us to a steak dinner. And let me just say, I earned that money myself to take her out. I felt good about it--like, finally, something was going right. Bonnie and I didn't need any drama, no awkward decisions to make. Just a night out, free of complications. But even the most straightforward nights have a way of taking unexpected turns.

A few days after the dance, a mutual friend had been in a serious car accident. No one knew if he would make it. The morning after the wreck, Bonnie and I were still reeling from that uncertainty. That's when she hugged me in the school hallway. It wasn't just any hug--it felt different. She pulled me closer, as if she wanted to feel more of me. And, well, teenage hormones don't always cooperate, so of course, I ended up with an awkward boner. I wasn't expecting the hug, and it happened before I could calm down. Bonnie didn't seem to mind. She just smiled and let go, acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. I was caught off guard, unsure of what to do. But she was perfectly calm. 

Then, that night, things took another turn, Bonnie's cousin Alicia set up a secret three-way call, a teenage tradition l'm sure today's kids will never fully appreciate. Back then, it was the ultimate form of covert gossip- one person on the line, silently listening in while the others talked. The goal? Drama, secrets, and revelations. And this time, I was the topic of conversation so I listened just curious of what Alicia thought I should hear.

After a few minutes of just talking, Alicia brought me up and Bonnie led with the first thing on her mind: "Alicia, you don't understand, I'm pretty sure he's full grown in some areas." Alicia, confused, asked what she meant. Bonnie replied, "He's definitely packing." Then, Bonnie shifted the conversation. "I wonder if he's still a virgin like me? It doesn't matter. I'd let him take my virginity:" 

I sat there, listening in, trying to process what I was hearing. It was a punch to the gut, but in the best way. All those insecurities about whether I was good enough? Gone in a second. Bonnie wasn't just letting me in on a secret--she was letting me know something about myself that I didn't know yet. She wanted me. And not just for the usual reasons, but because I had something worth mentioning. Something I'd spent so much time doubting. 

That spring dance? It was more than just a date. It was the first time I started to feel like I was enough--not just for someone else, but for myself. Confidence doesn't just appear out of nowhere. It's built, brick by brick, moment by moment. And that three-way call? It laid the foundation.

Bonnie and I didn't last forever. We weren't meant to. But she taught me something no one else had: that I didn't need to be anyone other than myself. That night, that hug, that three-way call-it wasn't just the beginning of a relationship. It was the start of me seeing myself differently. 

And honestly? That's a hell of a thing to take away from a school dance. 

There's another foundational moment that completely undid this one, though. It happened the following year. That story will be called "A Rose by Any Other Name." I'll explain that one Later.